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  As I used one hand to fan myself, I replied, “Well, thanks again for dinner.”

  “Thank you.” Glancing past me, Zeke asked, “Are you sure you’ll be all right walking home? I could always walk you.”

  I grinned. “I’ll be fine, but thanks for the offer.”

  He nodded. “I’ll see you at the library tomorrow.”

  “See you then.”

  After I started off down Main Street, I threw a glance over my shoulder. When I found Zeke watching me go, my heart started beating erratically. Get a grip, Finley. He’s just being nice and making sure you are on your way. He’s in no way checking out your ass or thinking impure thoughts about you.

  “Pity,” I mumbled under my breath.

  Chapter Nine

  The next week flew by in a flurry of library work. The history room had its first patrons, and I couldn’t help an immense feeling of pride where it was concerned. Everything seemed to be coming up roses at work, and it wasn’t just about the history room. After our dinner together, Zeke and I became really good work friends. Sometimes I felt like I talked to him more than I did the other ladies.

  On Thursday afternoon as I was winding down to leave work, I checked my phone and saw I had a text from Estelle. It wasn’t surprising since she was the most tech-savvy of the girls. At the same time, she insisted in typing full sentences.

  I need to talk you about something away from the house. Can you come by my studio on your way home from work?

  Inwardly, I groaned as I quickly typed back a yes. I had a nagging feeling in my gut that I was about be ambushed with another setup. That while she had appeared to be on my side about the fix-up with Marcus, she had secretly been plotting a love intervention of her own. I couldn’t imagine what on earth would possess her to want to open that can of worms after seeing how I went off on Dot and GramBea after my date with Marcus.

  Considering Estelle’s profession, I couldn’t imagine what kind of man she would come up with. Probably one who was vegan, wore sandals, and considered placing crystals on my body as foreplay. Not that any of those things were bad—they just weren’t me. More than that, I’d had enough of trying to be someone else to please a man.

  As I trudged out to my car, I felt somewhat letdown by what I perceived to be Estelle’s apparent “fix-up” discussion. She’d seen how taxing GramBea and Dot’s fix-up with Marcus had been on me. She seemed to have understood I was sour on men and the last thing I wanted at the moment was to deal with a man.

  And then it hit me. “Oh shit,” I murmured as I reached for the car handle. Estelle did realize I didn’t want a man. She was going to try and fix me up with a woman. I had no idea how I was going to approach that offer. I had to let her down easy. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her feelings.

  With my stomach twisted into knots, I drove the five minutes from the library over to Estelle’s studio. After making my way up the front walk and climbing the three porch steps, I tentatively poked my head in the door. Just when I thought about bolting, a bell tingled over my head. Oh shit, echoed in my mind as the smell of essential oils filled my nose while a pan flute played over the stereo system. Shelves filled with concoctions lined the walls. While Estelle was a sex therapist, she also dabbled in oils and lotions. Some were for reproductive health while others were for the entire body.

  “Estelle?” I reluctantly called.

  “I’m in the back,” she replied.

  I headed to the back of the shop where floor-to-ceiling multicolored beads served as a door. As the beads washed over my body, I stepped into the actual studio part of Estelle’s place. It was a huge, open room with floor-to-ceiling mirrors. Yoga balls sat randomly on the deep red carpeting. Even though it was in the backwoods, Estelle’s studio could have rivaled anything back home. I made a mental note to check her yoga schedule because I could certainly use some relaxation, especially after shooting down Estelle’s matchmaking plans.

  Armed with a bottle of green and natural cleaner, Estelle was spritzing down some of the yoga mats. Thankfully, she was alone. “Hey,” I said.

  She turned around and smiled at me. “Hey yourself.” She put down her cleaner and cloth and came over to me. “I’m so glad you could stop by for a minute. There’s been something really pressing on me to talk to you about.”

  Shit, shit, shit! I had been right. Before she could say anything else, I threw a hand up. “Look, if this is about you fixing me up with someone, I’m going to have to go ahead and decline your offer. While I’m epically soured on men, I’m not completely turned off by them.”

  Estelle quirked her silver brows at me. “You think I want to fix you up with a woman?”

  Shifting nervously on my feet, I replied, “I figured if you said you wanted to talk to me away from the house, you didn’t want GramBea or Dot to hear.”

  With a snort, Estelle replied, “Hells bells, Fin. I’m not trying to recruit you to bat for my team.”

  A relieved breath whooshed from me. “That’s good to know.”

  “I know you are many things, Finley, but a lesbian isn’t one of them.” Quirking her lips, she added, “But rest assured, if I were going to fix you up, I’d have much more finesse than Bea and Dot do when it comes to the right man.”

  I laughed. “Somehow I think you’re right.” Easing down on one of the yoga balls, I started bouncing slightly. “Then why all the mystery about wanting to see me?”

  “While I’m not trying to engage in a lesbian tryst, I am concerned with your sex life.” Her gaze zeroed in between my legs. “Or your vagina’s life.”

  I blinked at Estelle before halting my bouncing. “You’re concerned with my . . . vagina?”

  Estelle nodded. “Even though you’re not sexually active right now, it’s still important not only to keep your vagina healthy, but to keep it happy as well.”

  “Vaginas have feelings?”

  “Of course, they do. When it comes down to it, they can be real persnickety bitches. Especially if you’re not keeping them active.”

  Fabulous. Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly experience any more divorce guilt, I was now the joy-killer for my vagina. I’d let the old gal down with my lack of intercourse.

  “Pray tell, how does one keep a vagina happy?”

  “Masturbation is key. Especially with sex toys because they help to maintain the vagina’s structure.”

  Considering my lack of sex in the last couple of months, it was safe to say my vagina was probably close to collapse. I envisioned a construction foreman in a hard hat standing there shaking his head before recommending it would need some serious structural engineering with an intricate scaffolding.

  “You do have a vibrator, don’t you?”

  “Yessss,” I huffed.

  “Good. Are you using it?”

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I countered, “What part of living under GramBea’s roof do you think is sexually stimulating?”

  Estelle shook her head. “You’re going to have to get out of your head for that one.”

  “I think it would be easier to book a night at the Donner Lodge.”

  “Seriously, Finley, I thought you were supposed to be a creative person,” Estelle countered.

  “I am.”

  “So, visualize what you can do to drown out the Prude Sisters.”

  “You want me to do that right now?”

  “Yes.”

  “Fine.” Pinching my eyes shut, I imagined my bedroom. “Okay, first off, I would lock the door.”

  “Good start. Considering Bea has a key, I might put a chair under the door.”

  “Won’t that be suspect?”

  “You could lie and say you were sneaking a man out.”

  My eyes bulged. “Why on earth would I lie about masturbating by admitting to fornicating?”

  “Which one has more shock and horror for Bea and Dot?”

  Dammit, she was right. Bea and Dot would much rather have me pleasuring a man in my room than myself. “Go
od point. Okay, so I lock the door, put a chair in front of it, and then . . .” The buzzing of my vibrator echoed through my mind. “I put something random on the television to drown out any potential noise from my vibrator.”

  Estelle nodded. “Nice.”

  “Then I turn on the vibrator.” The moment I imagined getting vibing, Grant’s face appeared before my mind. “Ugh, then I’m sickened because my soon-to-be ex’s face is all I can see.”

  Wrinkling her nose, Estelle said, “Yeah, that would be a buzzkill.”

  “Maybe it’s just not the time.”

  “No. You and your vagina will not be defeated. Put some porn on your iPad or phone.” Before I could argue about GramBea coming to check on me because she heard moaning, Estelle replied, “That’s what earphones are for.”

  “I don’t know. I’m not much of a porn person.”

  “Erotic romance?”

  “Maybe.” When I had read the occasional naughty romance, I usually wanted to jump Grant’s bones.

  “What about a fantasy man?”

  “Like a celebrity crush?”

  Estelle shrugged. “Sure. Whatever gets your juices flowing.” She then wagged her brows. “Both figuratively and literally.”

  “Ew,” I laughed. “Remind me again how it’s possible two prudes like GramBea and Dot are friends with you?”

  With a grin, Estelle said, “They’re not as prudish as you think.”

  “Please. While GramBea might be slightly more progressive than Dot, I still can’t imagine her getting down and dirty with Granddaddy.”

  “They’re not my stories to tell, but I can assure you Bea had a very fulfilling sex life with your grandfather.” She winked. “And others.”

  “W-What?” I sputtered.

  “Your grandmother isn’t dead. She still has needs in spite of your grandfather being gone.”

  “Wait, you’re telling me GramBea has slept with someone besides Granddaddy?”

  “Once again, it’s not my story to tell.”

  I raked a hand over my face. “Wow . . .”

  “That’s what she said about it, too,” Estelle teased.

  At my shriek of horror, Estelle chuckled. “Anyway, now you have a successful plan for masturbation, I hope you will enact it as soon as possible.”

  With a mock salute, I replied, “Aye, aye, Captain.”

  “I’m serious, Fin. Your body has been through a tremendous trauma, and your vagina is part of your body. A happy vagina equals a happy life.”

  Since she was obviously more knowledgeable in the area, I decided it was futile to argue anymore. “Fine. I’ll try tonight.”

  Estelle’s face lit up. “Wonderful. To celebrate the occasion, I have a present for you.”

  Oh God. Kill me now. “Wow, that’s really sweet of you, but you’ve really done enough.”

  “Actually, it’s more a present for your pelvic floor than it is for you.”

  Once again, kill me now. “Um, okay.” After Estelle handed me a velvet pouch, I opened it and poured the contents into my hand. Rolling them around my palm, I remarked, “These look like the pair of Baoding balls I picked up that time I was in Chinatown.”

  “They aren’t Baoding balls.”

  “Oh. What are they?”

  “They’re Ben Wa balls.”

  It took only a moment for me to process what she was talking about. I ripped my gaze from the balls to Estelle. “You mean vagina balls,” I replied blankly.

  Estelle rolled her eyes. “I suppose you can call them that.” Taking one of the balls from me, she held it up in front of her. “They stimulate and massage while working your pelvic muscles to hold them in place.” She placed the ball back in my hand. “Next to masturbation, they’re just the thing to work your pelvic floor health.”

  I’m pretty sure this was certainly the weirdest conversation I’d ever had with Estelle. It would probably go down as one of my “top five awkward conversations of my life,” and that was saying a lot considering I spent the first year of my career as a beat reporter who saw some crazy shit. Eyeing the balls, I replied. “Um, thanks?”

  “You’re more than welcome.” She then reached out to hug me, which if I was honest was both awkward and comforting. “Trust me, I know you find this a terribly mortifying conversation, but I hope you know I’m doing it purely out of love.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  Estelle pulled back to smile at me. “While you’re Beatrice’s granddaughter, I feel like you’re mine too. Your happiness is the most important thing in the world to me.”

  Although she was also referencing my vagina’s happiness, her words still brought tears to my eyes. “That’s so sweet, Estelle. Odd yet sweet.”

  Her fingers came to cup my chin. “In my heart, I know without a shadow of a doubt there is happiness out there for you, Finnie.”

  “That’s just it. I thought I’d found it with Grant.” With a shake of my head, I replied, “I don’t know how I could have been so stupid.”

  “Sometimes in life the wrong pathways seem like the right ones. I know you thought your pathway was to be shared with Grant.” She shook her head slowly back and forth. “Regardless of his sexuality, you were always too much of a woman for him. Too much heart. Too much passion.”

  I blinked at her. “Wait, are you trying to say you knew he wasn’t the right man for me?”

  “Yes. We all did.”

  Jerking away, I took two steps back from her. “I don’t understand. If you all knew, why didn’t you tell me before I married the idiot and wasted years of my life?”

  “Because it wasn’t my place or Dot’s or Bea’s to tell you. Those were your seas to navigate.”

  “Trust me, I would’ve happily sat out on that voyage, considering what happened.”

  Estelle shook her head. “That journey helped to make you who you are today.”

  With a contemptuous snort, I rolled my eyes. “Alone since I’m husbandless and childless?”

  “But you aren’t truly alone.”

  “Look, I truly appreciate having you girls, but at the same time, you three don’t exactly make up for being husbandless and childless.”

  “Just because you don’t have those things right now doesn’t mean you won’t ever have them. Have faith. You don’t realize what an amazing opportunity of self-discovery is before you.” Winking, Estelle added, “And I’m not talking about through self-love and masturbation.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, I know.”

  “Get out there and find out what makes you happy.”

  “And don’t forget my vagina’s happiness.”

  Estelle chuckled. “Yes, the two of you need time to heal. Only when you’re healed can you truly begin to rebuild your life.”

  “I think it’s going to take a hell of a construction crew to do that.”

  “While I know it’s trite hearing my war stories when your pain is yours alone, I’ve been where you are.”

  “You have?”

  “Surely you must realize Millie wasn’t my only love.”

  “Of course, I assumed you had other girlfriends.” Easing back down on one of the yoga balls, I said, “Although I usually imagined you were the one breaking the hearts.”

  Estelle grinned. “You wouldn’t be entirely wrong. Like you, my love left me for another man.” At what must’ve been my slightly confused look, Estelle replied, “Lucy was bi-sexual.”

  “Ah, I see.”

  “At that time, I thought she was the only woman I could ever love. Like you, I wanted to give up entirely—”

  I held up my hand in a timeout motion. “Whoa, wait a minute, I never said I wanted to give up forever.” At Estelle’s unbelieving look, my voice grew louder. “For the moment, yes, I am writing off men, but I don’t plan on doing it indefinitely. In the meantime, I fully plan on giving my vagina some non-artificial stimulation.”

  “Uh, Estelle?” a deep voice questioned behind me. A deep voice that was oddly familiar. SHIT! I froze from bouncing
on the ball. Surely, the universe didn’t hate me so much that Zeke would have heard my vagina proclamation.

  Warily, I threw a glance over my shoulder to see none other than Zeke standing in the doorway. Yes, the universe officially hated me.

  While I died with mortification, Zeke’s face lit up at the sight of me. “Finley? I didn’t expect to see you here.”

  Yeah, well, I sure as hell didn’t expect to see you here either while I have my hands full of vagina weights while screaming about giving myself vagina stimulation. Forcing a smile to my face, I stuffed the balls into my pocket. “I came by to see Estelle.”

  “Are you into yoga?”

  With a snort, I replied, “Not exactly.”

  Estelle shot me a look before turning to Zeke. “I’m Finley’s godmother. As well as her grandmother’s best friend and one of her roommates.”

  Quirking his brows, Zeke glanced between me and Estelle. “You’re not the one who fixed her up on the bad date?”

  Estelle chuckled. “No. That was our other roommate, Dot.”

  “She’s my aunt,” I added.

  “I see.”

  “And what are you doing here?”

  Before Zeke could reply, Estelle said, “I keep having connectivity issues, and Zeke’s the reigning techie in town.”

  “Make that the only techie in town,” Zeke replied with a grin.

  “Right. Of course.” I don’t know why it hadn’t been obvious to me what he was doing at Estelle’s. I mean, he certainly didn’t impress me as the yoga type. At the same time, he had said while getting to know his birth mother, he was also trying to get in touch with his Native American past. Maybe yoga and meditation were part of that.

  Rising off the ball, I said, “Well, I’ll let you get to it.”

  Zeke nodded. “It was good seeing you again outside of work.”

  “Again?” Estelle eyed me curiously.

  Shit. When I’d told the girls about my disastrous date with Marcus, I’d merely said I’d run into a friend from work, and that’s why I hadn’t come straight home. “Yes, Zeke was kind enough to have dinner with me the other night after Marcus flaked on me.”

  “That was kind of you,” Estelle said to Zeke. While I didn’t think he picked up on it, I noted the emphasis she put on kind. Like it was a suspect kind. Like perhaps he had ulterior motives in having dinner with me.